Sharing the news of Lauren's death was the most heart wrenching and painful conversations I'd ever experienced, it was like I was reliving it everytime the words passed my lips. Here is how I shared the news with those that had supported us via the #helptherobinsons campaign.
'I'm writing this update with a shattered heart,
Sadly Lauren passed away last night (05/08/20) at around 11pm at the Hospice.
Although I wasn't with her when it happened I know that she slipped away peacefully and I genuinely believe that she chose when she wanted to go, and that even to her last breath was protecting me by waiting until I left her before she let herself go.
To all those that have helped us throughout #helptherobinsons, I don't think you'll ever truly understand how much you gave to Lauren in her last year. Giving her the chance to live out so many happy experiences with her family and giving Molly and I such precious memories that we can treasure forever. You have also allowed Lauren to go knowing that we will have some time to work our way through our grief and figure out a life without her.
To our friends and family, please know that Lauren felt blessed to be surrounded by such loving and caring people. I know that she is going to be leaving a massive hole in all of our hearts and it'll be impossible to fill. But it's important to understand that she was ready to end her suffering and whilst its cruel that she's had to leave us she looked so peaceful as she laid to rest.
To my darling Molly, you won't truly appreciate the magnitude of the loss that your facing right now and I promise that I will do my best to guide you through this, it won't be easy but we owe it to your wonderful Mummy to make the best of this life. She loved you more than you could ever know and I'll not let you forget it ever.
For the final part of the update, I wanted to share a note that I wrote to Lauren. Although I am in pieces, I feel blessed to have had the time to say our goodbyes and that she got to read this:
To my beautiful Lauren,
If words existed that could describe the pain of losing you then they'd be too hard to write, so I'll do my best with what I can but just understand that these will never be able to explain my emotions in full.
You've had my heart since I first met you and at 22 I had no idea of the intense happiness that being so madly in love could give someone. Not only did you give me that happiness but you showed me that I made you that happy too and that feeling of being complete is like no other.
If I'm honest I couldn't believe my luck and have always felt as though I have been punching above my weight. Not only are you gorgeously beautiful, with your deep brown eyes, olive skin and hypnotizing smile. But you are undoubtedly the most kind, caring and thoughtful person that I've ever known and have made me laugh throughout our entire life together, even when the times got hard you'd still find ways to put a smile on my face. People won't believe that some of the times we laughed the most was sitting in hospitals waiting for surgeries, treatments and bad news but none of that mattered because we were there with each other. There's one word to describe you and it's 'perfection'.
So, I'm sure it comes as no surprise that I'd have moved heaven and earth to make you happy and although we haven't had much, everything that we have had and everything that we did together, we worked so hard for and that made us appreciate it so much more.
We've always been a team, you have been my rock and we've made so many joyful memories together but it's the little things that I think I'll miss most. Watching movies and binging boxsets, how excited you'd be about Christmas and getting the decorations out as soon as possible but then making me put them away as soon as it was over because you didn't like the clutter. Laying together and just holding each other whilst you insist that I tickle your feet, back, shoulder or play with your hair and nudge me if I stopped, even if I'd been doing it for ages, it was never enough, and the way your eyes would light up at the sheer mention of a holiday, we'd only have to mention Florida and you'd be on your phone planning and dreaming about the next trip to our favourite place.
The happiest days of my life have been with you, our wedding day was perfect and on that day I promised to take care of you, I'm just sorry that I couldn't protect you from illness, I'd have swapped places with you in a heartbeat and wish that I could have taken it all away from you. Then there was the day our beautiful baby girl was born and we were complete, she bought so much joy into our lives, I remember the day we found out that you were pregnant, it doesn't happen often but I couldn't get my words out, I cried tears of happiness in the car all the way to work that day.
You've been the most amazing Mum to our daughter and I know that Molly adores you and I am devastated that your time with her is being cut short, but know that you have given that little girl the best start in life and she shares so many of your traits, especially being able to wrap me around her little finger. She won't be able to tell you this because she is too young but even in battling your illness you have taught her so much about courage, determination, bravery and having a fight that only a special kind of person has. She will always know how much you've loved her and I promise to give her the fullest and most happy life that I possibly can.
Life is cruel sometimes and I am losing my best friend and the love of my life but even if it meant it would save me from this heartache, I wouldn't change a thing, meeting you, growing with you, settling down with you, marrying you and having Molly with you is more happiness than some people get in a lifetime and I am truly blessed to have been the person that you chose to live your life with.
I don't know what the afterlife looks like, but I know that when you get there it will be a better place because you light up every room that you walk in to and all of those that have gone before will be so happy to see you. Wait for me and I promise that we will pick up where we left off.
You are taking my heart with you but just know that you are taking a heart that is full of love, joy and happiness and that it is you that has filled it.
All my love, forever and always,
Sam
X
Rest peacefully my love.'
Thanks again to Ceiron Faux (aka Not King Cole) for singing a version of My Girl by the Temptations and laying it down over these images for us whist we were pushing to achieve our fundraising target. If you need a vocalist for any occasion I can highly recommend him, you can find his facebook page here >
Here's to you Mrs Robinson
As hard as it has been to go through this journey with Lauren, I still count myself as blessed to have been the lucky man that married her. She taught me so much about being a man and what love truly means, that I'd go through this pain a million times over for that feeling of true love. I suppose that's why losing people like this is so hard, love and grief are intrinsically linked, the deeper the love the harder the grief.
So here's to you Mrs Robinson, the woman that helped me to be the best version of myself, the woman that taught me all about love, the woman that inspired my throughout our life together and still does today. I will always love you!
Thanks for reading and being a part of our journey!